Great Big Ocean

Set a drift
Out on the open sea
Everything else gone
Just me
No company
No one with me
Just living independently
Sure
I am lonely
And yes
I do want someone to hold me
But
When that happens I still feel empty
Feel no closer to another human being
Whether they want it
Or even if I do
There is this distance between us
Even between you
It’s sad
But it’s true
I told you I love you
Still can’t turn it over to you
I still push back
When you try and get close
Your advances
Feel like an attack
Like I am threatened
And myself invaded
Which is why
I set out on the great big ocean
Cause out here
I live through my own notions
Maybe I can finally get to know my own emotions
Stop wondering why I can’t understand
Why when I reach for your hand
It’s not there
Or when I search the crowd for you eyes to stare
They are not there
So I gave up on us as a pair
Now all I smell is salt in the air
Memories wrapped up in my hair
But that is all I have
Thoughts of times gone by
Just me thinking of them
Underneath this beautiful night sky
So now I just feel shy
I guess I know why
Cause even if you want me for your guy
This truth neither one of us can deny
I am not him
For what you see in me
Is not what I be
I wish you could see
Everything that lives inside this human being