Jealously

I saw another one of your movies just last night
Thought it was perfect for the season
Just right
Then when I slept
Of you I dreamt
Not much of a surprise
Can’t remember enough to summarize
Just you
And your name in flashing lights
An indication of my plight
My jealously now in plain sight
Not because you are someone else’s wife
No
I am jealous of your life
I heard you say you would do this once before
Become what you are
Soon perhaps your name will be in a star
On Hollywood Boulevard
And I’ll probably still be driving my mom’s car
Still going to the same bars
Saying next year will be the year
Maybe I’ll be this
Or I am looking into that
Still unsure
Still caught looking back
I wish I could be like you
That is jealously too
Because you’ve got it all together
You live where there is beautiful weather
And a beautiful man
And I am still wanting to understand
How am I part of the Lord’s plan
How can I be all I am?
And how can I be part of the world
Just not one who feels damned
Cursed
For my journey lately has seemed on Earth
There was a time
When I took pleasure in every day
And within myself I was happy to stay
Perhaps it changed when I went to work for pay
Maybe when you and I parted ways
The one thing I know I can say
Is I am jealous of you
Because of who you are
And what you do
Because you’ve gone forward
Keep traveling upward and onward
And I feel like I’ve only been going downward
Too many visits to the psych ward
Too many days at my desk feeling bored
So much art work
Most of it just stored
Never even came close to an award
Instead of feeling jealous
Why not be inspired?
Why not also desire to be admired?
To see my name in print too
In the credits
So all can know what I do
Maybe then I’ll stop feeling so jealous of you
Maybe then
I’ll be in charge of my life again
And maybe then
We can become friends again

Yesterday for You. Today for Me

I spent all of yesterday
Thinking of you
And wondering what to do
Should I call?
Or write?
See us together
Perhaps you might
I know what we have been
And I know that was then
But we never really did begin
Only because I was stuck in way back when
And only saw pictures of the past
Only worried about what would not last
Could not see us as now
Nor could I be humble and bow
To you
Ask forgiveness
And promise to undo
All the wrong I’ve done to you
I do feel something special
When I’m next to you
So please be with me to see it through
In a short time
I grew
And your faithfulness I always knew
Today I am going to spend it with me
Open my eyes and see
And open my heart
In this way I will start
See you in this world
And the other
Wonder if again we will be with one another
Wonder if that is the will of the Divine Mother
It is not a hard question
Especially when your feelings give no explanations
Just joy
Just pleasure
These are the tools that the heart uses to measure
To love
It does encourage this endeavor
It can happen whenever
It does feel special when we are together
Matters not if we last forever
For feelings do
And love for you I will feel for ever

Honesty

When I am around you
I still feel that definite chemistry
That awhile ago you mentioned to me
Still see your beauty
But
I wait
Do too much thinking
Only contemplate
To ask for another date
Even forget to compliment
Even for that place we went
The sweetest gift
Our love though
Set a drift
Unsure was I
But why?
My fear staring me back in my face
I didn’t want to end the race
Even though I was destined to finish in first place
I do miss your taste
And that special smile on your face
and I am over flights to outer space
Prefer someone else’s grace
Simple things are easy
With you next me
I guess it is complicated
When it’s you and me
When we try and be more than two
But I can’t keep away from you
Do all things need explanations?
All thoughts clarifications?
All feelings justifications?
I’lll spend forever alone waiting for a reason
Watch the world turn and just count the seasons
But probably just end up feeling the same
Still care more about the game
Then being true
To both me and you
Is that love coming through?
When I look at you
Are you just reflecting back
What I am sending out?
Love
Always more to learn about
Together we both could learn
For each other
Do we still yearn?

The Longest Night

The longest night
We celebrate by fire light
Gather
And burn our grievances
Move forward
And start a new
Look back and see how we grew
Each year on this day
Say all there is to say
No longer wait
No longer delay
Play drums
And pray
Set our intentions
To lead our way
Tomorrow is set to be a glorious day
As old as man
To celebrate this day
We understand
To honor it
Is the Lord’s plan
A symbol of their creation
A universe full of animation
Life of all classifications
Ad we are all a part of it
That is why we build a fire and around it we sit
To remember our place
Where we all fit
Into the fire go things unwanted
Into the fire go desires
Both our consumed
And transformed
Unwanted sent away
The others to the Lord
Honor ourselves and choices in the New Year
Be honest
Be clear
Know always
Heaven is near
It’s blessings our right here
Ready for us to embrace them
Welcome them with good cheer
The night is long
Spend all night dreaming
It is not wrong
Feel the love
Feel how you belong

Waiting in Darkness

I’ve grown tired and weary
All things
Now a lot less cheery
I did ask for this
And I have known bliss
But now darkness is my wish
For the battle has been fought
And decided
All sides have been divided
I sit with the ones in darkness
The ones alone
The ones who were not chose
But rather defeated
And worked to the bone
We lost the fight
And now live in forever night
Victims of our oppositions strike
But it is still hard to say who was right
Even though one clearly had more might
In darkness one gains greater sight
Knows more what life is like
Understands more people’s plight
Victory is not all just delight
Defeated is now how I am
This is not tragedy
I do understand
Just part of the Lord’s great plan
Three steps more before I become a man
All things move with the hands of sand
Time necessary for our journey
But not just measured on a clock
Not just starts and stops
Or map plots
Or work on your calendar in time slots
There should be time for shocks
Time to build blocks
And a time to wear fun socks
When it comes it matters not
To know is the task
To wonder should be your first class
Now I stay in darkness to watch time pass
In this moment I wait
Be patient and regain my strength
Understand the distance of all lengths
I am not in pity
I am not in sadness
I am though in darkness

Not Me

I tried all I could to get her attention
Her beauty I did not fail to mention
Offered to massage
And relieve her tension
Offered everything
Even my pension
Wrote beautiful words
Offered to take her places
Put her on a horse
And show her wide open spaces
For all I tried
I was denied
And should not be surprised
For it was her choice
And she did decide
Perhaps that one thing I should of continued to hide
Too late did I realize
But later in life
I now see
That it was not meant to be
Her and me
I could not give her what she did need
Even though I wanted to give her everything
And I her muse
I would do more than amuse
It was still not me she would choose
I can’t always get what I want
Or the prettiest girl
Even with my pretty face
And hair that does twirl
Looks just like hers with nice curl
In loss we learn much
And it makes us yearn more for touch
And to have long conversations about such and such
I guess I need to be tough
Not try and win them over with stuff
Who you are should be enough
Although I missed my chance
I hope there will be someone to take her to the dance
Give her what she really needs
For it certainly is not me

Human Rights for Xmas

In this time of giving
In this time of light
Let us remember
We all have human rights
The right to shelter
The right to food
The right to decide our own mood
This year let’s not just give meaningless gifts
Let’s allow our ideas to shift
How we treat one another
Embrace as sisters and brothers
No matter our race
No matter the eyes in our face
No matter if we own or rent space
Remember this is the season of grace
And we all have rights in this place
To uphold these rights not only the job of the state
We all have responsibilities
We are all members of this city
And the larger community
And we all should live freely
Without fear
Without hardship
All with equal citizenship
In the season of friendship
In the season of love
Let’s remember all and none above
Equality for all is this years song of the doves
So on your wish list this year
Human rights should be on the top of all our lists
For this year that is my wish

The Same Question

I keep hearing the same question
What happened?
Why did you do such?
Don’t ask me
Cause I don’t know that much
You’re asking a question only the Lord can touch
Besides
You can answer these questions on your own
But I guess you’re afraid of having your mind blown
Learn lots and grow
I am just a human being
Not a deity
Not here to enlighten you
Can’t do that anyway
You choose that by how you spend your days
And I guess you spend too much time working for pay
Not enough on play
Too much time doing what others say
Not living in a splendid way
And letting the Lord do with you what they may
Same question
Different day
Same thing to say
Can’t answer that
Don’t want to
Screw you
For even asking
When you don’t even care to know
Because you see the world as collapsing
I am not scared
Cause I know this is what is suppose to be happening
All ending
Just a new beginning
We are all fools
For we have been the ones pretending
Completely missed the message the Lord has been sending
Keep killing
Keep hating
Keep caring about only escaping
I will stand firm in front of the Lord
And will not waver or shake when I taste the flame of Their sword
Dissolve and fade back to nothing
Only to be reborn
And return as something

I See (IC)

No matter how hard you try
Do your best to hide
Your love shows
It is not just I who knows
Not just me who sees your glow
Be not shy
It’s cool if you got yourself a guy
One that makes you smile
A love that is not juvenile
The kind that will probably be around awhile
I hope he treats you right
Not only wants to put a ring on your fourth finger left
Or only enjoys you at night
Or want to impress you with big checks
I hope that he is a reflection of you
Just as beautiful
And as magical
Can cast spells of all kinds
Write rhymes
Make art
Live through the rhythm of your heart
And honors all your parts
Does not fear your dark nights
Or gloomy days
But takes them right along with your sun rays
So baby be proud
Your life is not meant to wear that dark shroud
I know you’ve been hurt before
Because I was the one who did that
But don’t look back
I am the one who now misses the chance
I am the one who no longer knows your love glance
And I am fine with that circumstance
He deserves to know your brilliance
I now learn resilience
And perseverance
For I believe in love for me too
I know my heart beats for more than just you
From the storm I will come through and know a love true
Saw her just the other day
Walking down the street
Coming my way
Simple but inviting words to say
And my heart knew right away
Make sure you get her number
Before she gets away

Heart Math

She is just learning to speak my tongue
And in her language all I know is sweetheart then I am done
But my love for her is not mum
If there is such a thing
She could be the one
For in just one look
My heart she took
And now she inspires me to write books
My heart did the math
Said love this one as she crossed my path
Together we do laugh
So what are words even good for
If with so few she can make me soar
And with each beat
My heart yearns for more
Sometimes words get in the way
Just babbling
And nothing to say
But together we can fill up the day
Looking at art
Heart to heart
We can know each other at the soul level
Our true essence
And that is just from each others presence
Between us there is not silence
Just simple words
But everything said is heard
And our hearts keep track
And do the math
Keep us close
Show us why it is each other we chose
I plan to learn more through her words
Because her true voice I have hardly heard
I want to learn her tongue
For her beautiful language I must become a sponge
Until I can understand
I will rely on my heart
That will be my plan
Let it do the math
Tell me if I fail or pass
Whether or not to take a class
For now it only tells me to love her
To please her
And make her feel special
Because that is what she is
A beautiful heart
And that is where my knowing her starts