I Met That Guy Once

You’re great
Aw
Thanks
Wanna go on a date?
Not really
No thanks
Actually rather swim in shark tanks
When I said you’re great
I meant
You remind me of a place I once went
No
I didn’t like the letter you sent
And I just like to look at you
You make me laugh
And I like that you do
Well I guess I am not
What I think I am
I guess I am damned
Cursed
Everyone’s favorite
But still the very worst
Good enough to look at
Funny enough to laugh at
Great to do your work
But now
Feel like dirt
Walked all over
And totally mistreated
Why am I always defeated?
I guess it is true
We reap what we sow
And get what we deserve
I just wish I could remember
I could know
What I did that was so wrong?
Why my life is not in reverse
Nor in forward
Just stuck in park
And standing still
At least pretty soon I’ll die from these pills
That will be that
Time here on Earth past
Please Lord grant me my pass back
There I knew me
There my heart was free
Not frozen
And broken perpetually
On Earth I cannot even live simply
3 days away from my bank account being empty
No one around who really knows me
The silence on the other line
Deafening
This sucks
And I hate loosing
One day perhaps
I may feel my life is of my choosing

My Home

There is a little patch of grass
Just left of my front door
For a lawn
This patch will pass
I don’t need much
Brand names
And such and such
Although I  do not need a lot
I still want your touch
Still wish I made you blush
But I got this lawn
All these sweet bird songs
Right outside my window
And the grass
I don’t have to mow
That comes when I pay rent
Man that is money well spent
Inside
My dwelling
Where I reside
Yeah it’s all mine
Nice sofa to sit on
And I keep it clean
Just for me
You know what I mean
I’m not going out on dates
Oh god
What a waste
Rather sit at home and contemplate
Besides
I can’t seem to understand women
Oh though I may try
And well
You’re the only woman ever on my mind
Feel like I could have them all
But just say fuck it
Never even call
I like my home
I do whatever I want
Talk out loud
Or dance by myself
I am really just want to focus on my mental heath
Do things I like
And live in peace
Which I do
And I enjoy
But still I think of you
And how nice it is to do things with you
To spend time with you
I know my feelings are true
I know together there is nothing we cannot do
I want to see us through
I wish on a day soon
In this home it will be me and you

Please Be Me (again)

Here we are
I am at home
And so are you
Just each of us
Not two
I don’t know what to do
Other than say
I love you
So if you are trying to decide
Thinking who you want by your side
Please be me
Please let me be the one to hold you tenderly
Talk to you gently
Give you plenty
Most of all
Please be me as the one you call
For any reason
Or none at all
All I do now is wish
And wonder
What happened?
What’s up with this?
Please be me as the one you miss
But
Maybe not
I see how I am not the one you have sought
There were things for you I bought
And others I made with my heart
Still not enough for our love to start
Now
Again we live apart
It’s up to you
How or who you do choose
And even after all this time
The ups and the downs
The unread rhymes
And paintings left behind
I still hope that when you look for someone to see
Someone special
For yours just to be
I do
And will always hope
That, that one be me

Next Christmas

Next Christmas
I will still probably give you my heart
Even though
Last Christmas
You tore it apart
Why do I feel like I never get the chance to start?
Don’t even reach things went wrong
Or feel as if I belong
And I trust my heart
That might be the worst part
I can’t trust my own rhythm
Always stuck in the land of existentialism
So since Christmas is already past
Let me give a wish for next year
Go forth and do not fear
Keep faith in love
And trust in light
Hallelujah the birth of our savior The Christ
To know that peace
By next Christmas I might
Whether I am with you or not
Even if this Christmas our love does stop
You are a gift that nothing can compare
Perfect and unique
Definitely not cheap
The power to make me smile
And weep
But Santa told me I am not on your list
Oh Santa that is what I did wish
But now I have all year
To walk myself one more step near
To the day I buy a mirror and actually want to look at me
Oh Lord to actually listen to thee
To be comfortable
To be free
Feel as deep as the sea
Welcome the outcome
Whatever it may be
Next Christmas
I’ll probably still give you my heart
Cause I gave it before
But now my heart is homeless
Cause you won’t let it in
And I told you my heart does not stay with me anymore
The day I let it out the door
It went straight to you
But you will do what you do
I’ll see it through
Discover a love new
Someone other than you
Maybe by next Christmas
I can wish a brand new wish

My Verse

In these troubled times
We are here to remind
Speak love
Speak truth
Recite these rhymes
It’s me Radiance
With a message from the Divine
Love trumps hate every time
So if you get a second
Use your mind
Open your heart
Let your light shine
Let go of the wickedness
Let go of the stress
We are not playing checkers
We are playing chess
No need to guess
Trump rose to power on hatred and being devilish
I will not follow his lead
Because I come from a different seed
The rainbow creed
Pure in faith and in deed
The future will be full of love please believe
As soon as we get rid of this chump
Named Donald J Trump

Unbreakable Heart

You can say anything to me
Do anything to me
But that won’t change who I be
Or what I do
Or how I feel about you
You may try and break my heart
Try and hurt my feelings
With words of leaving
Sure now I am grieving
But my heart beats still
It is unbreakable
Quiet, steady, and stable
Because it is already broken
Already filled with daggers
Been frozen
Encrusted in ice
Perhaps you at least thought I was nice
Think twice
I am the worst version of the darkest knight
Been in a fight
More than once
And guess what they found out that night
They could not put out my light
More likely you can
When you say goodbye and I don’t understand
How apparently I am such a shitty man
I get it though
Even if I never really know
At least my heart does still glow
Even while it burns on low
Sorry folks tonight there will be no show
Sometimes I wish my heart would just break for good
Let my body sleep
Become food for living wood
But my heart is unbreakable
To not live I am incapable
My fate inescapable
My love for you forever unshakable
However
My future is
Questionable

Are You Mad at Me?

Are you mad at me?
If so
Please say so
I will take it gladly
Cause I am tired of being the only one
Sick and tired of what I’ve done
Tired of pretending
I am happy with this ending
I’m not
Not at all
Totally ready to fall
I am the one who is mad the most
Keep declining invitations from the heavenly host
Keep skipping church
And ignore redemption
Cause in my eyes I am not worth the attention
Not even worthy of mention
The only thing I do
Hesitation
Mad because I wasted my chance on love
Mad because I take these drugs
Mad I suck at dating
Mad I spend all my time contemplating
No time acting
Just getting upset
Never post pictures captioned #blessed
Cause I feel cursed
I feel like I am the worst
The Devil runs and hides from me
How can this be?
What did I do to thee?
For you to be so mad at me
But baby I know you are not
I know you think I am hot
I know you love and cherish me
So why is that not enough for me not to be mad at me?
Why do I obsess  and torture myself?
Why strain my mental health?
Cause I can’t blame you
Or anyone else
And I am afraid of what comes next
The day I reach success
The day I can smile and receive compliments
The day our kiss is holy sacrament
On that day
It will be occasion to cry
Cause I will kiss that mean part of me goodbye
Then I might realize
The only reason I think you’re mad at me
Is because I was the one who was mad at me
Then I can be that person we both love me to be
The beautiful, compassionate, radiant me
The one that is reflecting thee